“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass … it’s about learning to dance in the rain!” ~ Vivian Greene

Upon my decision to drop out of NYU, all hell broke loose. At least, that’s what it seemed like to me at the time. As previously stated in the last F.R.E.E.  L.Y.F.E.  C.H.R.O.N.I.C.L.E.S. article, “A.W.A.R.E.,” nearly no one ever imagined that I would in fact drop out of school. As a result, criticism and condemnation that I had never before experienced came to me from all different directions. It seemed like even the bag boy at the grocery store was hatin’! This may be an exaggeration, but the intensity of the dense, draining, self-defeating emotions that I felt still took quite the toll on me. I did, however, have a way to manage these undesired feelings from getting too deep within me. I managed through Dance.

By channeling & transmuting emotional energy into artistic creations, we are able to heal ourselves to a profoundly greater extent than had we simply experienced hardship and idly moved on with life. It is through directly & honestly facing our darkness, our reoccurring unwanted thoughts, and the depth of our feelings that we are able to begin to truly move past them. Ignored physical/emotional/mental/and spiritual issues will only persist by submerging into the subconscious mind and manifesting in new different ways over time if not directly dealt with. They say, however, that time heals all wounds. Perhaps I am too young in this life to truly understand the value of that statement, but why not deal & heal internal issues consciously & deliberately rather than passively hoping that it will all fix itself in time? The perspective that I present is certainly not my end all be all stance on the topic of self-healing, since every situation is unique. I have found, however, that cathartically creating allows for expedited healing. Whether the medium be through dance, painting, singing/song writing, sculpting, poetry,etc., simply the act of releasing our built up emotional energy into something (not someone), in a productive uplifting manner, can lead to greater degrees of inner peace, inspiring self-satisfaction, and even grand gratitude.

Through this dropout shock experience and other emotionally challenging situations that I’ve faced, I have learned to cultivate great degrees of gratitude for all my experiences by looking back retroactively with an open mind. All of my experiences that I originally did not appreciate gifted me so much that I was fully unaware of at the time. Some of these gifts include: empathy for others living through similar situations, true life material with which I’ve created some of my favorite works of art all time, lessons in Love & Fear, and essentially many more life lessons that I can now apply to my experience to further empower myself. As the saying goes “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” but having gratitude for these nonlethal experiences can assist one in not feeling as jaded, spiteful, and resentful. All it takes is a shift in perspective in order to see the beauty in every disaster, the victory in every failure, and the beginning in every end. I have come to realize and fundamentally believe that life only gives gifts & lessons, which are in fact gifts. It is through analyzing different life experiences retroactively and finding the hidden blessings in every disappointment that I have learned to L.E.T.  G.O., Love Everything That Gets Oppressive.

21st Sun Cycle Mix

In honor of turning 21 a few months ago, I created this mix, “21^st Sun Cycle.” This specific mix, along with the majority of my other mixes (many more soon to be released), tells a story through a combination of the song titles, lyrics, and general feelings conjured by the tracks. Below I have listed the tracklist along with narrative pertaining to what the song means to me in this specific mix context. Enjoy!

~●In The Club●~

It was only appropriate to begin a birthday mix with a track which samples the legendary lyrics of 50 Cent, “Go Shawty, it’s yo birthday!” The overall heightened hype liveliness of this track is reflective of how my energy can typically feel: high intensity, fast paced, and relentlessly LIVE. Despite that innate vivaciousness within me, I would often feel dramatically different due to a few skewed perspectives & beliefs I held onto for quite some time. Within the past 2-3 years, I have created over 42 mixes, taken thousands of photos, written hundreds of original quotes/mantras/terms, recorded 300+ dance freestyle videos and films, and much more.

Despite how much LOVE I have invested in all these personal projects, I have had a fear of openly expressing myself to the public, a fear of uploading and sharing. Some of these previously mentioned skewed views I have held onto but am now beginning to release include: a fear of being judged/ridiculed/ignored, a fear of imperfection, a fear of fully accepting myself and all my interests, a fear of not being good enough, and perhaps a few other less prevalent, but equally detrimental, fears.

This mix serves as a sort of “Wakeup Call” to myself, so in selecting this first track, I used these iconic lyrics, “Go Shawty, it’s yo birthday,” to mean something to the effect of, “Go! Courageously move forward with your plans of sharing, and do what you came here to do! Create, inspire, and uplift! Your destiny is to do this! Your time on earth is limited; so put some purpose & impact into your existence!”

~●Submerged●~

I originally used this song’s title to imply that I was being “Submerged” in stagnation, doubt, and hesitation, which are all simply manifestations of fear. After flipping this song title meaning to a more uplifting perspective, however, I now alternatively use this song title to imply “Submerge yourself fully in your passions, into your truth.” I wish to have my thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and actions in alignment. By doing so, I provide myself full feelings of empowerment. I now have come to accept and surrender to the notion that this state of being can be achieved by committing fully to diving down deeply into my destiny, by lovingly listening and actually acting on my intuition in each instance.

~●Pay ●~

“Pay for what?” To not be in alignment with our truth, especially when we are aware of it/being guided towards our dharmic direction, is to pay a tremendously heavy toll on the soul. Why do this though? As the cliché goes, “fear has killed more dreams than failure ever has.” This life is too beautiful and I have become too gratefully aware to not act on my intuition, even though I may still have different fears within me. It is in acting despite these fears that courage then rewards the soul instead. The level of fulfillment and happiness I have received from only writing this piece up until now makes me wonder why I ever feared finally doing this in the first place. LOVE is greater than {fear}. In regards to Love’s application in our own lives, however, we must simply allow it to be.

~●Louis XIV●~

Louis XIV, a French monarch of the 18^th century, was also known as the “Sun King.” He was also known for doing it BIG. So, like Louis, Let Yo Soul Shine Show! Your Being, So Bright, Can Compassionately Lead Some Souls Back Into The Light! And this is why I now choose to openly share despite previous fright.

~●Fly Away●~

Feelings of wanting to escape & fly away would often come my way when I allowed fear within me to stay. Now this flight eye flip, Fly Away = Ascension of my Soul ship. Simply acting on intuition, and therefore my soul mission, reaching for the stars where my destiny is known to be written. Your talents hidden, reveal ‘em. For you the world is has been waitin’.

~●Ongoing Thing●~

As the name of the song implies, this process of unapologetically doing what we love continues to evolve, perhaps your entire life. So fear not if you have strayed, in stagnation stayed, or have yet to begin being true to you, for we can always change our ways. “Process” implies patience, faith, and persistence. So please make a vow: “To my dreams I am committed.” New Year, Old Dreams. But perhaps these dreams too will become anew, for life gifts incredible surprises, don’t it seem?

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Thank You tremendously much for reading! Many more mixes and stories to be shared, so be sure to stay in orbit with the XYZOSPHERE! Peace, Love, and Bliss! All your dreams can come to exist!

F.R.E.E. L.Y.F.E. Chronicles 1

“What is necessary to change a person is his awareness of himself.” ~ Abraham Maslow

Ever since I was a child, I would name different portions of my life. In the past, these names didn’t necessarily have a central theme, but regardless, these names gave a greater meaning and focus to different aspects of my life. This specific Journey, called “The F.R.E.E. L.Y.F.E. Chronicles (Finally Realizing Everyone Existing Longingly Yearns Free Expression)” follows a tremendous time in my life during which I would discover an abundance of truths about myself, learn loads of foundational life lessons, and experience endless expressions of existence. F.R.E.E. L.Y.F.E. officially began in August of 2014 and ended one year later in August of 2015. Three significant happenings, however, are necessary to explain for the setup of the F.R.E.E. L.Y.F.E. story and to connect everything back to “awareness”.

During high school, I was a very active soul. The Student Government President, Varsity Soccer & Swimming Captain, other leadership positions, and many more activities had me going at near full capacity during that time. After graduation I enrolled in NYU, New York University in New York City’s Greenwich Village. During the Welcome Week, first week of school, I did not put in the necessary active effort to make new friends due to a mixture of arrogance, shyness, and laziness. So needless to say, I did not make many friends during my first year of school, which I wound later be totally fine with because of my previously mentioned high intensity high school activity. I appreciated the time to recharge in solitude. At the same time, however, I was experiencing my Seasonal Depression which I have had since childhood. But this particular winter was my worst: first semester of college, massive city, huge school, a real non-Floridian winter with grey skies blending in with all the grey buildings and grey faces. Hahaha needless to say my perspective on life wasn’t the prettiest. In fact, I was suicidal for some of that time, but I would eventually realize that in taking my own life, I would also be taking the life of those whom love me dearly. It was from this nadir, this lowest point of my life, that my spirituality bloomed in the following semester. So instead of hanging out and running round town, I would watch hours upon hours of documentaries, read dozens of articles, read different books, and simply take time to learn about myself and other interests that were not being taught to me in any kind of school setting.

One of the concepts that I learned about during those daze is that of Chakras. A chakra is simply an energy center in the body which correlates with different aspects of the self. The chakra that interested me particularly is the 6^th Chakra, otherwise known as Thee 3^rd Eye. During the summer following that introspective, knowledge consuming, soul growing spring semester, in June 2014 specifically, I discovered a set of Third Eye Mantras which would change my life forever. Beyond all the woo woo esotericness, the Third Eye serves primarily as our center of intuition. So needless to say, I opened my Third Eye at that time and therefore activated my intuitive center. The true shift was the awakening of my intuition and acting on its guidance. This opening is one of the 3 key happenings to more fully explain what F.R.E.E. L.Y.F.E. was all about.

The next key event is the story of 555. Later that same summer, I traveled to Peru to visit family. On a certain day, I was walking around town by myself simply enjoying a stroll through new environments. During this walk, a specific house number written on the house’s wall stood out to me (the intuition begins to kick in). I continued my walk and then again, another house number stood out to me, so I intuitively added the two numbers together and their unification resulted in 555. I knew little about numerology at the time; I only knew that repeating number hold greater significance. Upon returning to the hotel and researching 555’s meaning, I discovered that the message is that major life changes are on their way and to go with the flow and with however it is that life unfolds. Doubted dat doe. At that time, I, Xy, held onto many ideas in my mind. I basically thought that I had my life planned out and that I was going to do this after that and then this and then bliss. But it would seem that there was something far greater in store for my existence.

After returning home, Southwest Florida USA, tuition for NYU year 2 was soon due. Because of complications, miscommunications, and straight up drama, the issue of , “OH Bliss, how am I gonna pay for this?” arose. One of my best friends who I also graduated high school with was also telling me how she was going to take a semester off of school. It was then that for the first time in my lifetime that the idea of leaving school for any amount of time entered my mind. The combination of thinking about the notion of not doing university for any amount of time, of having high stress in trying to figure out how I was going to pay tuition in 2 days, of knowing different facts I came across during my previous spring semester about higher education as a whole in the USA which put an awful taste in my mouth & mind, and remembering 555’s message lead me to the intuitive, near instant decision of withdrawing my enrollment in higher education. This all happened very quickly: from the time that the idea of not returning to school till the moment I clicked “confirm, withdraw enrollment” was less than 24 hours. Needless to say, I had no plan whatsoever. This decision would also dramatically shock my family and those around me, in actuality, nearly everyone who knew me at the time. Because of my previous achievements and high performance, nearly no one, including myself would ever imagine me dropping out. And it was at that moment of dropping out that F.R.E.E. L.Y.F.E. began.

In conclusion and in connection, it was ultimately my awareness that lead to change. An awareness of 555, the awareness of how I truly felt about higher education after my first year of college, and the awareness of what my intuition was encouraging me to do: Drop Out. In order to solve an issue, we must first be aware that an issue exists. Awareness allows one to begin to make conscious changes in life. This is why Awareness is the foundation on which the remaining 42+ life lessons I learned during F.R.E.E. L.Y.F.E. could be built and cultivated. A whole entire new existence was opened to me, but instead of staying in a place of initial excitement for this new chapter of my life, I allowed much worry and negativity from others affect me very much so. Retrospectively, I can now deeply understand that A.W.A.R.E., Always Worrying Always Reduces Excitement.

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THANK YOU very much for reading thus far! Be sure to stay in orbit with the XYZOSPHERE to see & read how the story unfolds from here! Peace, Love, and Bliss! I wish you an Abundance of this!